Happy Freakin' Birthday....

So my dad calls yesterday (on my birthday) to tell me that my aunt passed away suddenly yesterday morning..... she wasn't feeling well (of course, she is a *tad* overweight, so she has a whole myriad of health problems anyways) left the house to go to the hospital or doctor or whatever, and had a heart attack right there and died......

I don't really know what to think.... I am not really all too tight with my dad's side of the family, they live 3 hours north, and are a little more than dysfunctional, but they have been having lots of issues lately, and it seems a little unfinished for them to not work them out before she died...... he is supposed to be calling me about arrangements, I don't even know if I want to go....

of course, when my grandma on that side died, it didn't hit me until a few days later..... again, same situation of never really being that close with her, etc. I wasn't even going to go to the funeral, but at work a few days after I found out, I hadn't even told anybody, and just blurted it out to my boss and started crying, big soppy tears, I was a mess..... I think it is more the suddenness of it than the fact that it is death, if that makes any sense..... I was by my dad that I should make the trip to go see my grandma because she was dying, and week later, before I had even had time to go, she was gone.....

Same with my aunt, the woman was late 40s early 50s too young too die, and there were no precursors...... ugh, I hate this, and I feel between a rock and hard place.... I hate funerals, and I really hate funerals for people I don't feel really close to, but I do need to go and be there for my dad, and for my aunt Kim..... they have had to be there for each other lately.......

So, happy birthday to me......